The Story of Oxford Shoes and the Man that Walked Away

Below is an unedited conversation with my very good friend and writing companion, 'Dave'.  He has a lovely  hilarious website called Dave on the Dole where he posts about the adventures of an unemployed 20something living at home with his parents who don't appreciate his rearranging of their kitchen cabinets. (You should really check it out, especially if you enjoy crude humor and Irish men.) 

Enough about him... As you know, I have dozens of interests, one of which happens to be masculine footwear.  This story has become a running joke with my friends, and reveals more about me than just my style. Read on to find out why I trashed a perfectly good pair of oxfords (but don't judge my chat grammar, it's horrendous). 

Sent at 10:28 AM on Tuesday

me: Have you read the Man Repeller?

I commiserate with her, bc i've always (well, used to) dress differently than other people, not care, wear weird shit

in 8th grade I wrote song lyrics on a pair of pants in permanent marker and wore them to school

i also had pants with comic book faces on them

Dave:  ....................................

me:  where did i get this shit

I should write this down

Sent at 10:39 AM on Tuesday

Dave:  I think you have your next post

me:  i wasn't done with that story yet..

BUT WAIT! there's morrrreeee!

(infomercial voice)

i tend to buy manly shoes

i don't know why

when oxford shoes were in style like two years ago, i wore them

black shiny ones

wore them to a bar one night. a guy was chatting me up, super cute, okay convo, yada yada

15 minutes or so into it, he looks down

he sees my shoes

he was going to marry me...until he looked down...at my shoes

Sam was there (my bff)

The guy just stopped. mid sentence. and goes "what are those?"

I tried to explain...i tried to save our marriage

#fail

he walked away

STRAIGHT UP WALKED AWAY

from this beauty!

bc of my shoes!

i threw them out that night

Sent at 10:44 AM on Tuesday

Dave:  I'm having a hard time figuring out your thought process for buying those shoes and his thought process for walking away

me:  i bought the shoes bc they were trendy

and i notoriously like manly shoes

he walked away bc they were ugly

and manly

he didn’t want to marry a girl in man shoes, i suppose

The End.