The 9 Commandments

Software engineers are not Joe Bro you met at the bar last weekend. Congratulations if you’ve found one who showers daily and enjoys life outside the office (like I did!). Even your normal nerdy type has his quirks, and there are a few things you should know before inviting all your Facebook friends to visit you for a wedding weekend in Silicon Valley...

1. Learn Patience

You may have just landed the next Larry Page, but it’s going to take a lot of patience to get you down the long haul.  There’s a hell of a lot going on in that brain, so sorting out what to say sometimes requires a moment’s pause.  Also, there’s hardly any room left for new data, so assume from the get-go that he doesn’t give a shit what Kim Kardashian is wearing today, or why you need that new sweater from J.Crew. Understand, right now, that if you want him to listen to you, you’re going to have to give him good cause. And that my friend, takes patience.
The social quirks of a SWE might take some getting used to, not only by you, but your friends and family.  If your friend group doesn’t generally interact with these types, kindly explain to them they are going to need to up their patience quota as well.

2. Get Ready To Learn A New Language

Don’t know what Linux is? Neither did I until my boyfriend offered me his spare computer (yes, nerds have those) and explained to me, at length, how he reinstalled Linux.  I still can’t remotely explain anything technology based, and barely wrap my small brain around his work, but at least I try.  Listen, try to understand, ask questions.  If your man can use metaphors to compare techie things to real people things, that helps tremendously!

2.a.  ...which leads me to another point. Don’t fake it. Nerds are smart, hence, ‘nerd’.  Do not try to use techie language, or regurgitate something you read on Wikipedia.  You will say it wrong.  I added an ‘s’ to ‘code’ improperly in conversation, and I’m still not living down the mistake.

3. Prepare To Feel Stupid

Aww that’s cute, your resume says you’re a whiz on Excel? The hottie you just met at CoffeeBuzz wrote the new version of that shit program, get with it sister!  Prepare to feel incompetent, useless, and like your degree might as well be written in crayon.  Compared to the things pouring out of this man’s mouth, yours are worthless.  Okay, that’s exaggerated, but it is how you will feel.  Swallow your pride and enjoy it; find it sexy. Intelligence is the new tall-dark-and-handsome, and you just hit the jackpot.

4. Keep An Open Mind

Okay, so you’re feeling like you have nothing to bring to the table- now get over it!  You totally do, and if this nerdo doesn't think so, he’ll drop you like a PC with a virus.  The key is to keep an open mind at all times.  Try to learn about his work, maybe even take History of the Internet 101 (online @ coursera.org).  Allow yourself to let go of preconceived notions about video games, comic books, rock climbing, driving a scooter, or writing code in your mothers basement (okay, maybe not that one).  Seriously, you never know what you will become interested in once someone teaches you.  What’s the worst that could happen, you learn something?!

5. Read Up On The Latest Video Games

There is no way around it, your new brainy bf is going to play video games.  He probably has a wireless headset at home with bluetooth PS3 compatibility and plays online with his co-workers at 3 am.  (Oh, thats just my bf you say? ha!) It wouldn’t hurt for you to know what the latest trends in gaming are, and to give it a shot yourself.  I'm not a champ at controller coordination, but shooting a pack of zombies is fun once in awhile.  Especially when it excites your bf that you're into it...

6. You are Not #1

A hard pill to swallow with engineers, is that you might not come first.  Romance doesn’t exactly correlate with logic (which they are prone to favor).  And, work is very important.  Depending on his current job (or hobbies) he might work odd hours, or have terrible sleep patterns.  I tend to think most are night owls, and need to work when they're in the zone.  Do not expect attention when the zone opens up. So, in case of emergencies....

7. Get A Hobby!

Duh, everyone should have a hobby. But, it is especially necessary when dating an engineer.  They have a lot on their plate, and pile it even hirer with numerous extracurriculars.  Life will be a whole lot easier when you have a favorite past time other than listening to him explain his latest hack-job.  I paint.  We set up his office with an extra desk for my art supplies so that while he’s pounding the keys, I can still be by his side (silently doing my own thing).  We listen to the same music, and chat on breaks in his work; it’s a perfect compromise. (He’s also learned to enjoy painting and it’s a ‘skill’ I introduced to him, for once!)

8. Forget About Finding Men-In-Suits Sexy

You’ll be lucky to find an SWE in dark denim jeans, ever. They laugh in the face of “casual fridays” in the workplace.  Casual every-day-that-ends-in-y is more their speed, so be prepared to meet an epic t-shirt collection.  Trick him into a shopping trip with a visit to the comic shop first, hit up Gap and H&M, get some fresh basics, call it a day.  If he becomes even the slightest bit interested, try TruckClub.com. Or, continue to buy his wardrobe forever. Good luck.

9. Stay Confident, Keep Trying. Think About The Future.

If you’re reading this thinking “holy fuck, who's got the energy...”, pause and think about the future.  Men in fancy suits that travel for business may be hot now, but when you’re married in 20 years and he’s never home or his job is taken over by a robot, things will not be as peachy.  Dream on down the road to your brilliant kids and having all the soccer moms green with envy over your latest lavish phone/tablet/child-tracking-device. In my case (which is even better), you might be surprised at what you find inside that big SWE mind.  You might even fall in love...